I Thought We Were Talking About Sex
by OopsBunnyBoom
Summary: Lotsa complicated connections and relationships. Basically we put everyones name in a hat and picked two random ones and that was who was with who. Well, not really. We were waay too caffeinated and thought these guys were cool together. Mwahaha READ
1. Who is that girl?

TITLE: I thought we were talking about, er, sex. (Note: We weren't talking about sex.) SUMMARY: We're stoned and bored and therefore we wrote the most f***d up story we could think of involving scary and complicated connections freakishly resembling a Spanish soap opera. I can't discuss it here. Just read and review.  
  
We dedicate this to Caffeine Ted. We love you. Oh, and Joss. This is all your fault. You made too many subliminal relationships that inspired this fanfic. Such as Caffeine Ted. Whoops, wait, that's something else. He's not even in this story. Oh wait, yeah he is.  
  
NOTE: All of the Spongebob analyzing was Emily. Sarah can proudly say that she has no idea who the characters even are, much less what they represent. Emily, however, has little brothers and an obsessed father and cannot escape her fate. (  
  
A/N: Angel is not tortured. Connor was not raised in a hell dimension. Spike's only ½ British. Buffy's a bitch. This is completely AU where everyone's human, so these things are all for a reason. So leave us alone.  
  
CHAPTER ONE  
  
"Who is that girl?" Connor asked his best friend Fred as they sat on the steps of Hemery. Fred looked first at Connor, and then at where he was looking. He was staring intently at a freshman girl, looking around the way freshmen always did on the first day of school. The sad thing was that even those confused little freshmen were cooler than geeky science nerd me, Fred thought to herself.  
  
"I don't know. Freshman, I think." Fred replied, hoping that Connor didn't get too interested. "So, are you switching out of your first period Acting or what?" She asked him, changing the subject. Connor did not switch his gaze however, until Fred snapped her fingers in front of his face, when he jerked up.  
  
"What? What'd you say?" Connor asked. Fred sighed. She knew Connor would never notice her. Not in that way, but she couldn't help but wish that he would. That stupid theory of people wanting what they can't have. It's true, she thought, and looked at the senior boy sitting next to her.  
  
"You know what? I think I'm going to talk to her. I should, right? I mean, hey, I'm a senior this year. I own this campus. I own this school. I can do whatever the hell I want. Which means I can talk to a girl without stammering or anything."  
  
"You never stammer around me." Fred mumbled.  
  
"It's different with you. You're like my girl shaped guy friend."  
  
"Who has much better English than you."  
  
"Damn right. I'll talk to you later." Connor stood up and headed toward the lost brunette, looking at her class schedule. "Excuse me, are you lost?"  
  
Dawn looked up at the tall senior who had randomly approached her. "Um, yeah." She said, a little embarrassed that her confusion was so apparent.  
  
"What class are you going to?" Connor asked the girl.  
  
"Um, first period acting. I decided to just get my requirement over with, you know?" She said. Connor silently thanked himself that he hadn't.  
  
"Well, not all of us are that smart. That's where I'm headed. I'm Connor Doyle, by the way."  
  
"Dawn Giles."  
  
~  
  
"Who is that girl?" Angel whispered to his best friend Spike. Spike knew everybody.  
  
Spike looked up from his notes to where Angel was pointing a few rows in front of them. He craned his neck to get a better look at the petite blonde that Angel was pointing at.  
  
"Um, something that starts with a B. Don't really remember. I think I saw her walkin down the hallway with Red."  
  
"Why do you call her that?" Angel asked him.  
  
"Cause, in case you haven't noticed, Peaches, her hair is red."  
  
"Why do you call me that?"  
  
"Dunno. Never really thought about it." Spike said, trying to recall how he had ever come upon the nickname. "Oh, right, that thing with the crayon.in Kindergarten, it was."  
  
"Thanks for the memory, Yoda."  
  
"Short and green Yoda is. Not I am." The two started to laugh at Spike's weak imitation.  
  
"Excuse me, if you two aren't too busy talking I'd like your attention up here." The professor called to them from the front of the room. He crossed his arms as the entire class turned to look at the two.  
  
"Eh, sorry mate. Continue with your wonderful talk about. er, sex." The class laughed.  
  
"We weren't talking about sex. This is Images of Pop Culture." The blonde girl stifled a laugh.  
  
"Oh, right." Spike said. "Guess we're in the wrong place then."  
  
"No we're not, sit back down." Angel hissed at his best friend, pulling him back into his seat by his leather duster.  
  
"You said this was about sex."  
  
"I said we might talk about the Sex Pistols because it's pop culture, idiot!" Angel replied angrily.  
  
"If you two are finished disrupting my class, maybe you could move on and torture some other professor." The professor called.  
  
"We're sorry." Angel barely got the sentence out before the professor pointed at the door, indicating that they should leave. The two started to gather their stuff and head for the door.  
  
"How many times has this happened now? Twenty?" Angel muttered as they walked down the hall.  
  
"Think it's only about eighteen classes I've gotten you kicked out of, Peaches. Don't worry. UCLA has a lotta different classes. Big variety. You've got enough to go through before the end of our final year. Hey, that's this year, isn't it?"  
  
"Well at least you learned something at college." Angel replied just as Spike's cell phone rang. He picked it up.  
  
"Yeah?" He groaned when he heard the voice on the other line. "Hey there, wanker, what're you doing calling me?" From the sound of it, Spike was talking to his fraternal twin brother, Xander. The two didn't get along so well. Spike listened to Xander talk for a while. "Well, what do you want me to do about it, then?" Pause. "What? No. I can't do it tonight, I have a date with Faith. Yes, I'm seeing her again. So what if the bint can't get a date? You're dating Red, what do you care about her friend? Hold on, talk to Peaches bout it." Spike handed the phone to Angel.  
  
"What do you want me to do?"  
  
"Okay, then, cut to the chase all you want." Xander said on the other end. "Basically, I have a date with Willow tonight. Her best friend's sort of depressed and needs a nice evening, and Willow doesn't want her to be alone. So I figured that if we just set her up with someone." Angel didn't like the way this was going.  
  
"Look, Xander, I don't know about this."  
  
"Please? Just do me this one favor. Trust me, this chick's gorgeous, smart, really nice, there won't be a problem."  
  
"If she's so great why can't she get her own date?" Angel muttered.  
  
"She devotes more of her time to school than the social life. Come on, please?" Angel groaned.  
  
"All right. Where should I meet her?" 


	2. Blind Date

Author's Notes: Thanks for reviewing Tariq, Courtenay, and Sophie. We love feedback.  
  
CHAPTER TWO - Blind Date  
  
"I'm waiting." Dawn said, reading from her script.  
  
"For what?" Connor asked Dawn.  
  
"Go dot," She replied. The entire class cracked up.  
  
"I think I've seen enough," the teacher said, sick of their terrible acting and pronunciation. "Class dismissed."  
  
"Sorry for screwing up our skit." Dawn said as they walked out of class.  
  
"I think the script was screwed up to begin with. I mean, what the hell is a charnel-house anyway?" Connor said, trying to make her feel better. If he had been attracted to her before.  
  
Dawn laughed. "Thanks for showing me around."  
  
"Well, it is kind of your duty when you've spent three previous years around this dump." Connor said with a smile. "So, uh, I know we just met and everything, but maybe we could, you know, get a cup of coffee after school, or something." Man. A senior and I still stammer around girls. What kind of a loser am I? Connor thought.  
  
"But aren't you a senior?" Dawn asked, surprised. That's probably the stupidest thing I could have said in this situation, Dawn thought to herself. "You idiot." She muttered.  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Oh, not you! I uh, was talking to myself. About myself. You, uh, know how it is, when you're around a really cute guy and, uh, I mean. I'd love to. But I mean, are you really okay with going out on a date with a freshman?"  
  
"It's not a date. It's a caffeineted beverage." Dumbass, you thought it was a date, Dawn thought. I wish it was a date. Oh, shut up, brain! Shut up!  
  
~  
  
Angel sat in the restaurant alone. He checked his watch. She wasn't late, he was early. Why was he so anxious about this anyway? It was a blind date. Either nothing would happen, or something would happen and turn out to be another one of those one night stands. It wasn't anything big. He looked up to see the blonde from his Images of Pop Culture class come in and talk to the hostess. Bet she's got a hot date. Wait, why is she coming over this way? Angel thought. You've got to be kidding me. I actually got lucky for once in my life. Thank you, thank you thank-  
  
"Are you Angel Doyle?" Angel jumped at her words a little.  
  
"Uh, yeah. You're." He trailed off. Xander hadn't told him her name. What kind of an idiot wouldn't tell a guy his date's name? Xander, obviously.  
  
"Brianna Wyndham-Price. It's nice to meet you." They shook hands and she sat down in the chair opposite him. He couldn't help but notice how gorgeous she was. He hadn't gotten a very good look in class. He was too busy being kicked out.  
  
"Are you okay?" She asked him, noticing his stare.  
  
"What? Yeah. Sorry." He was looking at my chest. Ugh. Okay, if he's a jerk or a pervert, or both, you have your self beeping pager and pepper spray in your purse. Brianna thought. He's cute though. He doesn't look like a jerk or a pervert. But then again, they never do. Not even Parker. Except for that weird eyebrow thing. Stop thinking about him, you're past him.  
  
"I'm sorry, but do I know you from somewhere? A class or something?" She asked. "I mean, you're at UCLA, right?"  
  
"Uh, yeah. But I don't think we've met." She would think I was such an idiot if she knew that was me this morning, thought Angel.  
  
"Okay then. Maybe I've seen you on campus or something." She said, shrugging.  
  
"Are you a senior?"  
  
"Yeah. You are also, right?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"What's your major?" She asked. She had to pick a question having to do with academics. She had high standards for guys, and if they weren't intelligent then they couldn't keep up with her.  
  
"American History. How about you?"  
  
"Psyche."  
  
"Wow. Isn't that stuff complicated?"  
  
"Not really. But both my parents are psychologists, so it's kind of my destiny. I was under a lot of pressure from them to be a psyche major, and I didn't really have many other options, but, it's not bad. Some of the theories are really interesting.probably not to you. I don't mean that you.well, I didn't mean that, but I don't mean.okay, I'm babbling. Sorry. I'm a lot better explaining things in a paper or whatever."  
  
"That's okay. But I think that stuff is kind of interesting. I tried to read some books on it, but I really couldn't keep up." That just made me sound like some idiot. Good going, Angel thought. Change the subject, fast! "So, what other stuff are you interested in?"  
  
"Well.it's kind of embarrassing, really. I'm obsessed with this show, you probably don't know it or anything. It's just this crazy kids thing, I don't even know why I watch it. But, I don't just watch it. I analyze it. My younger sister Buffy thinks I'm insane and everything, but then again so do a lot of people.sorry. Rambling again." She smiled a little, embarrassed at her obsession.  
  
"What is it? What show? Trust me, it can't be worse than mine." Angel said reassuringly.  
  
"Spongebob Squarepants. I know, I know, it's stupid and the guy who created it was stoned at the time, but it's actually-"  
  
"You've gotta be kidding me."  
  
Brianna looked up at him. "What?" She asked.  
  
"I've been obsessed with that show ever since it came on."  
  
"You're joking!"  
  
"No, actually, I'm not. Everybody in the apartment thinks I'm a real immature idiot, except Oz, who gets his kicks analyzing animal crackers. He actually wrote a paper last year about why the monkey is the only one with pants. Oz is strange. But, wait, who's your favorite character?" What a stupid question, Angel thought.  
  
"Squidward. Without a doubt. Although Patrick does have his moments."  
  
"I really like Mr. Krabs. I can't really explain why."  
  
"Well, Mr. Krabs is the face of corporate America."  
  
"Oh. Oops."  
  
Brianna laughed. "It's not wrong. It's just psychological."  
  
"Yeah, and what does Squidward stand for?"  
  
"All the boring little nothings who go through life being alone and depressed, all the while aspiring to be something more."  
  
"So is that you?" He doubted it.  
  
"I have been told by many a person that I can be boring and have way too high standards for people, hence the no satisfaction."  
  
"You don't seem like it. Whoever said that must not know you well enough."  
  
"Or know me too well."  
  
"Same difference." 


	3. Go for it, not IT!

CHAPTER THREE - Go for it, not it!  
  
"William, that's the nineteenth class you've been kicked out of since the beginning of your college education. What the bloody hell are you doing with my tuition?"  
  
"It's not my fault, dad."  
  
"Oh really?" Rupert removed his glasses to clean them.  
  
Eager for a distraction, Spike looked out the window to see a red Mercedes convertible stopping in front of the house, and in the car was a teenage guy and.DAWN?? "What the bloody hell is going on out there?"  
  
Outside, Connor turned off the car. "Thanks for the.caffeinated beverage," Dawn smiled.  
  
"It's called a date, Dawn." She blushed. "See you tomorrow."  
  
"Count on it." You retard. OF COURSE you'll count on it. You're going to school. "Dumbass."  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Nevermind. Bye," she said and got out of the car.  
  
"Bye." He drove away.  
  
She skipped inside and opened the door to find herself face to face with a very cross older brother.  
  
"Oh, uh, hi Spike. How's school?"  
  
"It's good. So what did you do after school today pigeon?"  
  
"Uh, not much, just hung out with a friend."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"What's her name?"  
  
"Uh, well, it's not exactly a her."  
  
"Nibblet!"  
  
"Come on he's a nice guy. You don't even know him."  
  
"You're right. I don't. So let's have a chat about this chap. How old is he?"  
  
"Uh.I don't remember?"  
  
"For God's sake, Spike, leave your sister alone," said Rupert.  
  
Connor picked up his cell phone and dialed his brother's apartment.  
  
"Hello?" Xander said on the other end of the phone.  
  
"Hey, it's Connor. Can you put my brother on?"  
  
"No problem. One second. He's just getting ready for his date."  
  
"Okay." In the background, Xander and Angel were shouting back and forth at each other.  
  
"Yo Angel! You're brother's on the phone!"  
  
"I'm busy!"  
  
"I know, but it's your brother and he wants to talk to you! So pick up the phone you lazy son of a gun!"  
  
"I'm getting ready for my date! I don't have time for this!"  
  
"I know, but it'll be just a second! It will be just a second, right Connor?"  
  
"Yeah," Connor sighed. He couldn't even begin to count how many times his telephone conversations with his brother had been through Xander, Spike or Oz because Angel was too damn lazy to pick up the phone.  
  
"He says it'll only be a minute!"  
  
"Tell him that if it's that short it's obviously not that important!"  
  
"It is important!" Xander shouted back.  
  
"Well if you know so much about it why don't YOU tell me what Connor's got to say!"  
  
"Just pick up the phone for once, Angel!"  
  
"I'm busy, dammit!"  
  
"It's okay, I can talk to him through you." Connor said to Xander.  
  
"He's gonna talk to you through me!"  
  
"Whatever levitates his carpet!"  
  
"Tell him I need advice. It's about a girl."  
  
"He says it's about some chick that he needs advice on!"  
  
"What kind of chick?" Angel shouted.  
  
"What kind of chick?" Xander asked.  
  
"She's a freshman. Should she be off limits or something? Or is it sort of sick because I'm a senior and all?"  
  
"The chick's a freshman and does that mean she's off limits or is it sick because he's a senior and she's a freshman?" Xander shouted to Angel.  
  
"Does he like her a lot or does he just wanna fuck her?"  
  
"Do you like her a lot or do you just wanna fuck her?"  
  
"Both- well, I mean, I like her a lot. I wouldn't mind. but, I mean, not now. Not yet. It's only been coffee so far!"  
  
"Both well, kind of, well, he likes her and he wouldn't mind but not now because it's only been coffee. But didn't you fuck that one girl only after a cup of coffee?"  
  
"That was a while ago!" Angel shouted.  
  
"That was a while ago, when he-"  
  
"Shut up about that already, Xander!" Angel shouted.  
  
"Well your brother needs some help and I-"  
  
"This is my department!"  
  
"Fine Mr. I-hafta-be-all-controlly-and-broody-cause-I'm-so-cool."  
  
"Just tell him not to fuck her yet and if he likes her to go for it!" Angel yelled.  
  
"Wait, you're confusing. Go for it but don't?"  
  
"Go for it, not IT!"  
  
"Go for it, but not IT." Xander repeated.  
  
"Okay. Tell him I said thanks."  
  
"What about your transmitter? Doesn't he get a bit of thanks?"  
  
"Just tell him I said thanks."  
  
"He says thanks!"  
  
"I say you're welcome!"  
  
"He says you're welcome."  
  
"Xander, where the hell is my hair gel? Did you take it again?"  
  
Connor hung up the phone. Go for it, not IT. Keep that in mind.  
  
~  
  
"So, Angel, ya boned her yet?" Faith asked from across the table. "Probably not, cause if you had, you'd have dumped her by now, right?" Brianna raised one eyebrow at the brunette across from her. She was under the impression that Faith didn't like her very much. There was probably something wrong with her psychologically. Some childhood trauma. But hell, she wasn't an expert.  
  
"Faith, play nice." Spike said, arm around her waist. Faith looked at him seductively.  
  
"I think you know by now that I don't play nice. I fight dirty."  
  
"Um, can we please change the subject?" Angel interjected.  
  
"What do you wanna talk about then, Peaches?" Spike asked, smirking.  
  
"Peaches?" Brianna asked Angel.  
  
"Started in Kindergarten. Kinda stuck." Spike explained.  
  
"So how'd that talk with your dad go?" Angel asked, trying to steer clear of any embarrassing childhood stories that Spike would be more than happy to share.  
  
"Er, never really finished it. We got too busy interrogating Dawn."  
  
"What happened with Dawn?" Angel asked.  
  
"Who's Dawn?" Faith asked, a new sharp tone in her voice.  
  
"Bloody hell, Faith. Dawn's my sister."  
  
"Oh. Right. Keep talking then."  
  
"Anyway, some older guy in a red convertible- the wanker - drove her home."  
  
"You worried?" Angel asked.  
  
"Damn right I'm worried! Bit doesn't know enough about the dating world to know any better. The attraction of someone older'll blind her from who this poofter really is. A jackass." Spike slammed his fist down on the table on the last word.  
  
"But Spike, you don't even know the guy. You can't jump to conclusions." Angel said.  
  
"I don't need to know him. I know what guys want."  
  
"So do I." Faith replied, looking at Spike.  
  
"Why don't you show me how much you know?" Spike asked her.  
  
"Well, if you insist." The two started making out right in the restaurant. Oh boy.  
  
Angel looked over at Brianna, who rolled her eyes at Faith's er- comment. Those two were completely different types of people. Angel wouldn't have minded a random makeout session, though.  
  
"So.how about them Lakers?" Angel said awkwardly, averting his eyes from Spike and Faith.  
  
"I don't really like team sports." Brianna admitted.  
  
"So, you're more of a one on one type of girl?" When the statement left his mouth he realized how perverted it sounded. "I mean.well, when you hang out with that guy too much stuff tends to rub off on you. But not literally. I mean."  
  
Brianna laughed. "That's.okay."  
  
Faith and Spike pulled away from each other. Faith flipped her long hair over her shoulder and looked at Angel.  
  
"So, Angel, ya boned her yet?" 


	4. I don't want anything to happen to your ...

Author's Note: Yes yes, we know, you've been waiting for it. Well, finally, here he is. CAFFEINE TED! And a very special guest-censor-cameo by.Anya! YAY! I hope I get to be a guest-censor when I die.  
  
CHAPTER FOUR - I don't want anything to happen to your head  
  
"So, Angel, ya boned her yet?" Spike asked Angel three weeks later. Oz, Xander, Spike and Angel sat at the bar in one of the local clubs that they had all frequented as teenagers.  
  
"Spike, this kind of information really shouldn't be-" Angel was cut off.  
  
"Not yet. But honestly man, you've gone out with the bint, what, twelve times in the past few weeks? You're really hung up on her and you haven't even fucked her yet? What's wrong with you?"  
  
"Maybe he just likes to be with her." Oz said calmly.  
  
"What are you, a priest?"  
  
"Buddhist." Oz replied.  
  
"Right. You go be Buddhist. Right now, Angel's in a crisis."  
  
"I am not in a crisis, Spike!"  
  
"You're in a crisis, you're in a crisis," Spike taunted  
  
"Wait, what kind of crisis is he in, exactly? Does she not want to do it, or does he not want to do it, or is it just not that time or-"  
  
"Shut up, Xander." Spike interrupted his brother. "Look, Angel, you need to understand-"  
  
"No, you need to understand that there's more to a relationship than just having sex."  
  
"Yeah, there's the groping and the games. I mean."  
  
"Stop." Oz said.  
  
"You really like those one word sentences, don't you, Oz?" Xander asked his best friend.  
  
"True." Oz replied.  
  
"See what I mean? That's what makes you cool. That's what makes you.you. What is it that makes me me? What is it that makes me cool? I mean, what is cool?"  
  
"Xander, cut the wannabe crap." Spike said, taking another swig of his seventh beer.  
  
"Look who's talking, Billy Idol."  
  
"Oh, sod off."  
  
"And what's with the British slang? You're American, so speak American."  
  
"Well, technically, Xander, American's not a language-" Angel started.  
  
"Shut up, smartass."  
  
"Was that intended to be an insult?" Angel asked, confused.  
  
"Could be." Oz remarked.  
  
"Ooh, moving onto two words. Oz is really on a roll tonight." Xander remarked.  
  
Spike looked at the couples on the dance floor grinding to the loud music. He sat up and tilted his head. Yeah, that was definitely Connor out there. Right up against him, facing away was a girl in a skimpy halter top and skintight jeans, and damn.  
  
"Look, Peaches. It's the miniature. Check out that chick he's with tonight." Spike nudged him.  
  
"He didn't tell me he was coming out here tonight." Angel said. "Guess he figured stuff out on his own."  
  
"Good for him- holy." Xander looked out at the dance floor. "Whoa. Daddy like." The girl turned around to face towards them, still rubbing up against Connor. "HOLY SHIT THAT'S DAWN!"  
  
"Bloody hell!" Spike shouted, throwing his beer bottle at the wall. "Bad thoughts.get out of my head!"  
  
Xander jumped up, pointing a finger accusingly at Angel. "You! This is YOUR fault! You did this to me- her! That freshman girl.is my SISTER! You told him to go for it! At least you didn't tell him to go for IT, because then my sister would have.oh, God, get these thoughts out of my head.bad." Xander started to pace.  
  
Spike grabbed a hold of Angel's shirt collar and pulled him to him, glaring into his eyes.  
  
"You sick little wanker! Look at how your Miniature has corrupted my Bit! No, don't look you pervert! I'm going to kill you. Slow, painful, torturing, kill you. You will die. I feel sick to call you my friend!" He pushed him over, letting go of his shirt.  
  
"Oh, you think this is MY fault? Look at your sister! She wants to do that! She's not a kid anymore! She's in high school, dammit!"  
  
"You're not helping your case, sweetheart!" Spike yelled back. By this time, the smashed beer bottle and shoving over of a guy who was pretty big had drawn quite a bit of attention, including the attention of Dawn and Connor, who were in shock.  
  
"We should get out of here before your brother smashes a beer bottle into the side of my head." Connor whispered.  
  
"Good idea. I don't want anything to happen to your head."  
  
The two silently slipped through the crowd and out of the club. Nobody noticed. Except Oz.  
  
Oz sat there, not knowing what to do. There would be a barfight unless something was done. Should he stop the impending barfight? Or would that instigate one? Should he wait until the barfight occurred to do something? Or should he watch the barfight? He was a small man. He couldn't stop something after it started. Should he go after Dawn and Connor? They wouldn't listen to him. Probably because neither one had ever met him. Then he should notify someone who they did know.  
  
"Guys-" Oz started.  
  
"Shut up!" All three shouted at him in unison. Spike advanced toward Angel. He grabbed him by the throat and slammed his head onto the bar counter. Spike punched him across the face countless times, until Angel started to bleed. When Spike was satisfied, or at least, when his fist was sore, he stopped.  
  
"You listen, Peaches, and you listen good. If anything, and I mean, ANYTHING else happens between your sick little brother and my poor, innocent Platelet, I will kill Connor, and I will kill you. Do you understand me? You end this relationship right now, because you started it. And you and me? Our friendship is over." Spike pulled him up and shoved him in the direction of the door. Angel left.  
  
~  
  
Brianna sat on her couch, reading the New York Times. Yeah, she was in LA, but the New York Times was the best newspaper in America. Except for their lack of comics. She looked out her window at the thunderstorm outside and shivered. Sure, it was California, but she wasn't all that fond of thunder, due to the fact that it was the echo of lightning striking something. She went back to reading one of the many articles about terrorist action when there was a knock on her door. She put the newspaper down on her coffee table, leaving her glasses on. She went to the door and opened it to find a bruised, bloody Angel.  
  
"Angel? What happened?" She stood back to let him in, and closed the door behind him as he limped into her living room.  
  
"Well, it's a funny story. If you're in the mood for another one about the goddamn idiot who lost all his friends after one simple bar fight, then this one's for you and can I lie down?" Angel asked, feeling the lightness of his head.  
  
"Yeah, just lie down on the couch, I'll get something to fix that." She went into the bathroom in search of a first aid kit. Angel looked at the newspaper on the coffee table. Wow. Someone who got the New York Times daily who lived in LA. That was new. As was the numbness in his limbs.  
  
Brianna came back into the room and sat down on the coffee table. She opened up the first aid kit and took out a cotton ball and some antiseptic.  
  
"So, you wanna tell me what happened?" She asked Angel, dabbing at the cut on his cheek. Angel winced at the sting.  
  
"Well, basically, the guys and I went out tonight, to this club where we used to hang out in high school, and it was going fine until we saw Dawn, Spike and Xander's little sister, grinding with my idiot brother. Xander flipped, but Spike went completely insane, the way he does when he has one too many drinks. He sort of slammed my head onto the bar counter, and kept punching me.man, that guy has one helluva right hook. Then he basically told me that I have to split them up since it's my fault and he doesn't consider me his friend anymore. It sounds pretty weak coming out in words, but it."  
  
"It's worse when it happens to you. I get it." She reached into the first aid kit for some gauze to cover up a cut on his forehead. "But what I don't get is why Spike blamed you. I mean, sure, you have an influence on your brother, but you don't control him or his actions, and therefore you aren't responsible."  
  
"Well, Connor wasn't sure about going out with a freshman and he sort of asked me for advice. I basically told him to go for it, but not to pressure her and go for.well, it gets confusing. But he probably wouldn't have if I hadn't told him to, so, yeah. It's my fault."  
  
"But even if you had told him to, Connor still had a choice in seeking Dawn.sorry. I'm starting to sound like a psychologist." She finished bandaging him up. Angel looked up at her.  
  
"I think I need one right now." Brianna leaned down and kissed him.  
  
CAFFEINE TED: I wonder what Dawn and Connor are up to.cause I think we all know what's gonna happen with these bunnies.  
  
ANYA: Bunnies frighten me.  
  
CAFFEINE TED: Oh.  
  
Bloody wanker had to go and corrupt my sweet little Platelet.I should see if she's okay, thought Spike, driving to the house that Giles, Joyce and Dawn now occupied. He slowed as he approached the dark, empty house. The first thing he noticed was that goddamn flashy red convertible. Why did it have to be a Mercedes, why? The next thing was the little pimp walking the Bit up to the door. Was that- yeah, that was his jacket around her shoulders. The old jacket trick. Nice try, poofter junior, but that one went out years ago. Not for poofter senior, though. Never got old with him, Spike thought to himself. Ugh, his hands were all over her. All up and down her arms, like. Sickening. As Connor leaned down to give Dawn a goodnight kiss, Spike jumped out of the car.  
  
"Get the bleeding hell away from her, you wanker!" He shouted as they pulled away. Connor moved just in time to receive a nice little punch in the face from drunken Spike. This was unexpected, and Connor fell over. "You stay away from her. I'll kill you, do you understand? I'll fucking kill you!" His knees went weak and he stumbled. "Whoa!" He caught himself before he fell over, and he grabbed Connor by the back of the shirt. He threw him onto the lawn and Connor groaned in pain, landing on his stomach. Spike strode over, and as Connor started to get up, Spike gave him a swift kick in the rib, making him fall again. "You like that, you sodding pervert?" Spike asked, words slurred as he kicked him again. He kicked him for the third time, then flipped him over so he was lying on his back in pain. "Oh, I'm sorry, did I not hurt you enough? Cos that can be fixed." With that, he punched him in the face. Something made a crunching sound. Probably a broken nose. Spike grinned at this thought, and punched him again. He heard a scream from Dawn, but didn't care. He was no longer concerned with why he was beating this kid, but how much pain he was causing him. He repeatedly punched him, until another cry out from Dawn came.  
  
"Stop it, Spike! Stop!" She ran over and tried to grab her brother's shoulder to pull him away, and he punched her across her face. She stumbled back, not so much from the blow itself, but more from the shock and fear of it all. Her nose started to bleed. She always knew her brother could fight. This wasn't her brother.  
  
Spike froze. What did he just do? He hit Dawn. His little Platelet was bleeding from his punch. Dawn stared at him, tears streaming down her face.  
  
"Bit, I.I didn't mean to.I mean, I meant to, but not you.I.please." Spike got up, and took a step towards her as she took a step back. Without a word, she walked past him and helped Connor up. They walked towards the car together. Connor was still feeling like shit, but he got in the car and turned on the ignition once Dawn was in. They drove off, leaving Spike alone on the lawn.  
  
~  
  
"Where should we go?" Dawn asked Connor. "Can you even drive?"  
  
"I can drive with both my arms off. Only I, well, can't. Not literally, anyway."  
  
"I'm laughing on the inside. But we can't just drive around the whole night."  
  
"Well, we could go back to my place. But my mom would flip if I brought a girl back there and if I came back in this condition."  
  
"How about Oz and Xander's?" Dawn suggested.  
  
"Spike might go back there. Hey, how about Brianna's? I've met her, she's cool enough to take us in for a night."  
  
"Okay, let's go there."  
  
Once at Brianna's building, Connor got out of the car. He went up and buzzed her apartment. No answer. He backed up a few paces and looked up to the fifth floor. There were lights on. Kinda flickery. Oh. Candles. OH.  
  
"Can't go there." Connor said, getting back in the car.  
  
"Why?" Dawn asked.  
  
"Candles." Connor said, starting the car.  
  
"I don't get it." Dawn thought for a minute. "Oooh. So, um, who else can we try?"  
  
Connor thought. Someone who was not in the mix. Someone who cared about him enough to-  
  
"Fred."  
  
"Who's that?" 


	5. Right Said Fred

CHAPTER FIVE - Right Said Fred A/N: Ok, the title might not have anything to do with this story. (I'm not gonna tell you if it does.nanananana.) However, Emily and I are obsessed with this music video Charmax made using the song "Right Said Fred." Go. Download it. Now. Well, after you finish the chapter.  
  
Thanks for reviewing everybody! You guys rock! Also, I understand there was some confusion over Brianna and Buffy. Brianna is Angel's girlfriend. She isn't Buffy. Buffy is Brianna's little sister.  
****  
  
Angel woke up first that morning, still in slight pain from the fight. Not in pain from what happened after the fight, though.the one good thing about being covered in blood and bruises: you get to play doctor.  
  
Angel shifted a little, which made Brianna wake up, given the fact that their bodies were-  
  
CAFFEINE TED: Hello!  
  
"Are you feeling any better?" Brianna asked Angel.  
  
"After that, hell yeah." Angel replied.  
  
"I was referring to your face."  
  
"Sorry. Hanging out with Spike can." He trailed off. There would be no hanging out with Spike today. If they did happen to encounter each other, there would most likely be another fight. Which was something that Angel did not want to re-experience. Might as well just stay in bed with Brianna all day long, then. That would be nice. Angel thought.  
  
"I'm sorry about the whole Spike thing. But it wasn't your fault, so don't get too worked up over it."  
  
"It's hard, but I'll try."  
  
"Good." She leaned up to kiss him, when a thought crossed her mind. "Hey, did someone try to ring my apartment last night?"  
  
Angel tried to remember. "Maybe. I can't really remember anything besides."  
  
"Maybe a little time apart from Spike will be good for you. Not that I don't want you to be friends with him but-" Angel put his finger over her lips to shush her.  
  
"Too early to ramble." Brianna looked over at the clock.  
  
"It's noon, Angel."  
  
"All the same."  
  
~  
  
"Get up, lazy." Fred said, waking Connor up.  
  
"Sorry."  
  
"Whatever. You should probably call your mom. Apparently she's about to have a hemorrhage if she doesn't hear from you soon. She, uh, she called here."  
  
"Thanks." Connor said, getting out of the bed. He was still in his jeans from the previous night, and his shirt was lying on the chair in the corner. Fred couldn't help but stare as he went over to pick it up. She sighed. Sure, she'd seen him with his shirt off before, from when they were little toddlers in the kiddie swimming pool to their class trips to the beach, but she never really got sick of seeing him. He pulled on the shirt. "Hey, Fred?"  
  
"Hey Connor."  
  
"Thanks for helping out me and Dawn. It was really.cool of you." He just said that I did something cool. That's happened about zero times before in my life, Fred thought.  
  
"Um, thanks. It was nothing." Yeah, it was a whole lot of nothing. Like making sure my parents were asleep before I let them in, and finding the first aid kits, and bandaging them up and getting ice for their bruises and making sure that Dawn didn't sneak into Connor's room and I'm not bitter. No way.  
  
"No, it really meant a lot to me that you would help me out. I just knew I could come to you. You're so reliable."  
  
"Er, thanks." Reliable. The fun ends there.  
  
"I better go call."  
  
"Right." Fred straightened up as Connor awkwardly went out of the room.  
  
"No, Mom, I'm fine. I'm fine. No, I did not get mugged. I just slept over at Fred's, okay? Yeah, I know. Nothing happened, Mom, it's Fred. Mom, come on. No, I am not stoned. That was Angel. Okay. I'm fine. You didn't just hear that thing about Angel. Where's he? He's over at.er, never mind. Yes, I'm sure that I'm still alive. I love you. Bye." Connor hung up the kitchen phone. Dawn came in.  
  
"Hey." She greeted him.  
  
"Hey. Are you gonna call your parents?" There was really no other question to ask. Everything else was so.blah.  
  
"Well, I can't, cause they're in Europe on their second honeymoon and all, but.I think I might go over to Xander and see if everything's okay. I'll just hang out there for a while. I don't think you should come with me, unless you want a brutal axe murdering first thing in the morning."  
  
"Damn, I usually have one of those with my breakfast." Dawn didn't laugh, which he understood. "So, I'll see you Monday?"  
  
"Yeah. Um, bye."  
  
"Bye."  
  
~  
  
How much did this suck? Falling asleep- no, passing out on your parents' lawn after hitting just about your favorite person in the world and having to deal with a mother of a hangover. Wow, that does suck. I need rehab so bad. Is there rehab for fucking up your life?  
  
Yeah there is. Therapy. Now who do I know who knows shit about therapy?  
  
Oh, right. The poofter's girlfriend.  
  
~  
  
"Neither one of them came home." Xander said for about the millionth time.  
  
"We've established this." Oz replied.  
  
"But, will either one of them ever come home? I mean, they just left their stuff here, and their.stuff. Where would Spike go?"  
  
"Faith's?" Oz suggested.  
  
"Good point." Xander realized. "But Angel! Where would he go?"  
  
"Brianna's?" Oz tried.  
  
"But he hasn't.you know.done it with her yet. It'd be awkward for him to.there's no way he's over there."  
  
"He's there."  
  
"No wonder the two were such good friends. When in trouble, fuck your girlfriend. Hey, I'm in trouble. Where's my girlfriend? I should go call Willow."  
  
"Maybe not." Oz said. Did that statement actually come out of my mouth? He thought.  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Because you'd be doing it with her for the wrong reason." Oz said.  
  
"By golly, you're right!" Xander stood up. "I do everything for the wrong reasons! I do everything for myself! Or for myself so I can be like other people! What's that called again?"  
  
"A conformist?"  
  
"Exactly, one of those guys! I mean, why am I at college? My friends are, my parents want me to be. Everything in my life I do so I can be like everyone else and fit in! That's why I'm not cool, right? I mean, you don't try to fit in! Look at you! You're the coolest guy I know! If I put less effort into being like other people, I can be more like."  
  
"Yourself?"  
  
"You are brilliant! I need to go work on that!"  
  
He didn't get the chance. The doorbell rang. Xander went to go get it.  
  
"Dawn. Come on in." She did.  
  
"Is Spike here?" She asked her older brother.  
  
"Uh, no. He didn't come home last night- what happened to your face?"  
  
Dawn tried her best not to cry, but it was hard as she tried to explain what had happened last night to Xander and the random guy on the couch.  
  
~  
  
The doorbell rang. It couldn't be him, coming back that soon. He'd practically left an hour ago. Then who the hell was it?  
  
Brianna opened the door to find Spike standing there, looking like he'd slept on a lawn all night.  
  
"Is Angel here?" Spike asked her.  
  
"Um, no, he left a while ago, but I can call him if you wanna talk or-"  
  
"No. Last thing I want is to talk to him right now. I wanted to see you. Alone." This is getting ridiculously creepy, Brianna thought.  
  
"Uh, okay. Come on in. I just need to get something from the kitchen, sit down right here." She said, motioning to an armchair as she backed into the kitchen. She grabbed her can of pepper spray out of her purse and stuffed it in her sweatshirt pocket in case he tried anything. She came back into the living room and sat down on the edge of the couch, one hand grasping the can inside her sweatshirt pocket. "So, what did you want to talk to me about?"  
  
"Look, I'm real messed up. I.did some stuff last night that-"  
  
"Spike, Angel's fine."  
  
"Not Angel. Well, not just him. Dawn.there was an accident.I hit her and I just feel really strange. I think I need to talk to someone. Someone real smart and someone who knows about psychology or whatever, and the only person I could think of is you. So, what's the what? How does this work? Do you like, take notes and do I lie down and crap?"  
  
"Spike?"  
  
"Yes doctor?"  
  
"This won't work. I mean, I totally agree that you need help, but it can't be from me."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"For one thing, I'm still a student. Another, even if I was a registered psychologist and everything, I have a relationship with someone that you're having some problems with right now, and I'll probably take his side because I.because I think I'm in love with him. And I know, that sounds like bullshit to you, but I really can't help you."  
  
"Well, then, I guess I'm just wasting your precious time, love. I'll get outta your way." Spike stood up.  
  
"Spike, sit back down." He sat. "I can get someone to talk to you. My dad's a psychologist, and he could probably help you with a lot of your problems." She reached into a drawer in the table next to her and searched around. She pulled out a business card and handed it to him.  
  
"Wesley Wyndham-Price. That's your dad?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Sounds like a nancy boy."  
  
"Shut up. I don't even know what that means." 


	6. Friendships and Flashbacks

CHAPTER SIX - Friendships and Flashbacks  
  
Eight months later.  
  
"Look, Brianna, I want to talk to you about something." Angel said to her. It was all coming together. They were in a nice restaurant, and they had a nice relationship and he had a nice engagement ring in his coat pocket. It would work out.  
  
"Yeah, I think I need to talk to you also."  
  
"Okay, you can go first."  
  
"All right." She had been meaning to bring this up for a while. "I know that you and Spike haven't been on the best of terms for the past eight months.actually, you haven't been on any terms, given that you haven't seen each other or talked to each other for that long.but I have, and I really think that you should also."  
  
"I should what?" Angel asked her, now bitter.  
  
"Talk to him. See him. Try to work things out, maybe?"  
  
"I don't think so."  
  
"Give me one good reason why you shouldn't."  
  
"Okay, the reason that he stopped being friends with me was because he blamed me for something out of my control."  
  
"You're being so immature right now. Stop it." She sighed. "I just don't think that you can let one little misunderstanding and one little bar fight ruin a friendship that's lasted for how long? Kindergarten to senior year of college? I mean, you're not in the first grade where if Spike stole your Tinkertoy then he automatically wasn't your friend! You have a history together of being the...Bert and Ernie-"  
  
"Who are Bert and Ernie again?"  
  
"Will you stop interrupting me? You know damn well who Bert and Ernie are! They're the dynamic duo! That's you and Spike, okay. So just get over yourself and talk to him, okay! He wants to talk to you. He's got a lot of stuff to tell you and he really wants to make things right. And you'll never see me naked again if you don't do it."  
  
"I guess I could just talk to him."  
  
"Good. Now tell me what you wanted to tell me."  
  
"Brianna, um, you know I had a whole speech prepared but it was too stupid for me to repeat any of it. So screw it. Will you marry me?"  
  
"No."  
  
"What? Was this too soon? I knew it was too soon. I should have waited or-"  
  
"Angel."  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"I'm kidding."  
  
"Oh. Ha ha. So funny I forgot to breathe. Oh, shit, I forgot the ring." Angel reached into his pocket and took out the ring. "So is that a yes?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
~  
  
"Mommy where did you go? Xander?"  
  
Eight-year old William Giles walked through the alley. They had been there a minute ago. And Xander was carrying his new baseball bat. Their new baseball bat. And he was going to get to have the first turn if William didn't show up soon.  
  
"Stupid bat," William said as he kicked a cardboard box near his foot. It made a noise. It was a very little noise. "Who's in there? I don't believe in you, leprechauns! You're not real! You can't scare me!" He inched forward to see what was in the box. It was a baby. Why was the baby playing in the box? Sometimes he and Xander made forts with boxes, but babies couldn't do that.  
  
He picked up the baby and remembered that he had no idea where he was. "Ok, I'll just go back that way." As soon as he got onto the main street he saw his mom looking around frantically.  
  
"Mommy! Look what I found!"  
  
Joyce gasped when she saw the infant he was holding.  
  
"Can I keep it? PLEEASE? I'll take good care of it! It won't be like the gerbil! I'll feed it and everything!"  
  
"I don't think so William. Where did you find her?" Joyce took the baby from him.  
  
"In a cardboard box in that alley!"  
  
"Oh my God. Well, I have to talk to your father. Let's go home. And don't ever run off like that again!"  
  
"I get to play with the baseball bat when we get home. Mommy said." Xander stuck out his tongue.  
  
"Sod off."  
  
"William! Watch your language!"  
  
"But Daddy says it."  
  
"But that's for daddies to say. Not good little boys."  
  
"Well now I'm a daddy cause I have a baby. She's all mine." William turned to Xander. "Don't touch her, you're got chocolate on your fingers."  
  
~  
  
"Sod off." Spike grumbled as he woke up to the ringing phone. "This had better be good to be callin me so early." He said sleepily into the phone.  
  
"It's three in the afternoon." Suddenly Spike felt awake.  
  
"Peaches? That you, or am I stoned?"  
  
"No, it's me. Brianna said I should give you a call. She said you wanted to talk to me."  
  
"Oh, yeah. Catch up on the times and that. You up for it?"  
  
Angel looked at Brianna who was standing next to him so she could hear the conversation. She nodded her head yes as Angel pleaded with his eyes. Then she kicked him in the shin.  
  
"I mean what I said last night!" She hissed and walked out of the kitchen.  
  
"Ow."  
  
"Peaches? You there?"  
  
"Yeah, I'm here and in pain. Where do you want to meet?"  
  
~  
  
"So, basically, I go to Brianna, tell her I need help, she gets me an appointment with her dad, and I've been going to therapy twice a week since." Spike said as they walked through the park.  
  
"Have you gotten any better?"  
  
"What do you mean by that?"  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Define better."  
  
"I mean, have you gotten through your problems and crap?"  
  
"Lotta problems to get through, Peaches."  
  
"Where I'm confused is why you needed therapy in the first place. I mean sure, you screwed up, but tons of people do that every day and they don't need therapy."  
  
"Well, Wes and I talked about a lot of different reasons why I could've done what I did that night, and I get overprotective of Nibblet, in short."  
  
"Overprotective of Dawn you are." Angel commented.  
  
"No shit, Yoda." The two smiled, remembering their last encounter with the Yoda voice.  
  
"So what happened to make you that way?"  
  
"Long story."  
  
"I have time."  
  
Spike recalled the memory of finding his little sister in the alley, and retold it to Angel.  
  
"You just found her there?"  
  
"Yep." Spike threw a rock at a tree.  
  
"That's kind of."  
  
"Yep." Spike threw another.  
  
"Does she know?"  
  
"Uh, yeah. Told her bout a month ago. She reacted with the infamous, 'get out, get out, get out' so I got, but she came around. So, how about you, Peaches? What've you been up to?"  
  
"It's funny you should ask."  
  
"Hilarious. What'd you do this time?"  
  
"Proposed to Brianna." Now it was Angel's turn to throw a small rock at a tree.  
  
"What? Are you off your rocker? When did this happen?"  
  
"Last night."  
  
"Holy.sorry. I'm just in shock. Wow that's weird."  
  
"You know, we haven't talked about the wedding much. At all, actually. But, when the time comes around.maybe you could help out, you know? Be the best man or something." Did I actually just ask him that? Angel wondered.  
  
Spike shrugged. "Oh, uh, yeah. It's no big deal. That would be cool. Yeah, that'd be cool."  
  
"Okay, cool."  
  
"Cool."  
  
"See you around, then?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"So you wanna hang out tomorrow?"  
  
Spike shifted. "I, er, have a prior obligation."  
  
~  
  
"Oh. My. God! Look at that red one!" Dawn squealed. Spike groaned through the huge pile of dresses he was carrying. Doesn't she have enough by now?  
  
"Don't you have enough by now?"  
  
"No, silly, I'm not buying them ALL. I just need one."  
  
"Then pick your favorite and let's get on with it then."  
  
"Spike. You said that you'd take me dress shopping for the prom. And that means you can't complain or be a cheapskate or-"  
  
"A cheapskate? I'm getting my pretty little Nibblet whichever pretty little dress she wants. But not a little one." Dawn sighed and turned back to the dress rack.  
  
"Oh, yes! They have my size!" With that, the red dress was thrown on the top of the pile. "Hey, check out that one!"  
  
"Platelet?" Spike mumbled. "Can you help? I, uh, I can't see."  
  
"Oh, sure." Dawn pushed the pile of dresses down so that Spike could see over the top.  
  
"Can we move to the picking of the dress?"  
  
"No. First I have to try them all on! Come on, the dressing room's over there!"  
  
"Bloody hell."  
  
~  
  
"I think this one's good." Connor said, looking in the mirror.  
  
"You haven't tried on any of the other ones." Angel replied.  
  
"But if this one works, then why do I need to?"  
  
"Because another one could quite possibly work better."  
  
"Who cares?" Connor asked.  
  
"Dawn will, for one thing."  
  
"Yeah, but she's not the one helping me pick out a tux, you are. And you don't care. Besides, I think this is one of the cheaper ones."  
  
"You don't want to be a cheapskate."  
  
"I'm not. I just don't wanna blow all my money on this stupid prom. I have to rent a limo and everything. Why can't I just take the bus, like Xander did with that psycho Anya?"  
  
"Because your date is not a psycho, and therefore you can't be cheap."  
  
"Xander said she was afraid of bunnies."  
  
"That doesn't surprise me. And speaking of relationships I have something to tell you."  
  
"Me too."  
  
"Well, you go first."  
  
"Never mind. I forgot. What did you have to say?"  
  
"Oh, I forgot."  
  
"Seriously?"  
  
"No, I'm just joking."  
  
"Oh. What then?"  
  
"Well, uh, Brianna and I are sort of-"  
  
"You're getting a puppy?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Knocked her up?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Adopting an orphan from Somalia?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Getting a bonsai?"  
  
"No! Where do you come up with this, anyway?"  
  
"Bonsais are cool, what are you talking about?"  
  
"I'm trying to talk to you about the fact that Brianna and I are engaged and all you can talk about is orphans and small trees!"  
  
"But don't you want an adopted kid or a small tree? OH MY GOD YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED??"  
  
"Uh, yeah. You're slow."  
  
"Well, so are you! I mean, wait, gimme a minute."  
  
"Exhibit A." 


	7. Meet the Parents

Chapter 7 - Meet the Parents  
  
"Dad, I so do not want to meet this loser!"  
  
"Buffy, he is going to be your brother in law you're going to have to meet him sooner or later." Wesley said.  
  
"But I was gonna go out with this really hot guy and then you guys were all, oh well you have to stay here, and I was all, um, no and you were all- "  
  
"That's enough, Buffy." Maggie finished the argument.  
  
"But Mo-om!"  
  
The doorbell rung.  
  
"This discussion is now terminated. I mean, done." Maggie stood up from the chair she was sitting in and headed for the door, Wesley in tow. Buffy groaned and stood up, following her parents to the door.  
  
"What kind of a loser would want to marry Brianna, anyway? I mean, come on, he's probably some kind of. hello salty goodness." Buffy's eyes widened when she saw the guy standing next to Brianna. That kind of a loser, huh? She thought to herself. Wonder if he has a brother.  
  
"Hey, Mom, hey Dad." Brianna greeted her parents.  
  
"Hi sweetheart. How's college?" Maggie asked her daughter as she hugged her.  
  
"It's good."  
  
"How's your term paper coming along? If you need any help-"  
  
"Yeah, I know. Come to you."  
  
"Well, I was going to say read my book, but you could come to me." Brianna smiled and rolled her eyes at her mother, then moved over to her dad.  
  
"Hi Daddy!"  
  
"Hello, my little blueberry scone." Wesley said tenderly to his daugher.  
  
"I told you to stop calling me that. When I was twelve."  
  
"I'm a stubborn man."  
  
"Yes, you are." Maggie replied.  
  
"Mom, Dad, no." Buffy groaned.  
  
"Hey, Buff." Brianna said to her little sister.  
  
"Hey. And who's this?" Buffy said sweetly, moving closer to Angel.  
  
"I'm Angel. You're Brianna's little sister, right?"  
  
"Only by five years." Buffy smiled.  
  
"Oh, you're the same age as my little brother Connor."  
  
"Really, how nice." Buffy said quickly.  
  
"Yeah, he's completely head over heels about this girl. It's really cute." Dammit! Buffy thought. They're both taken! Just my luck.  
  
"Got any other brothers?" Buffy asked. Angel laughed.  
  
"Thank god no."  
  
Brianna saw how her little sister was looking at HER fiancé, the same way he'd been looking at her the night they met. Gotta intervene. Where's that pepper spray?  
  
"Hey, Buff, why don't you go play with those barbies you like so much?"  
  
"Shut up, Brianna! Why don't you go play with your."  
  
"Boyfriend?"  
  
"I was gonna say books."  
  
Wesley took off his glasses and cleaned them, making the lenses squeak.  
  
"Look, Buff, just go somewhere else, okay?"  
  
"Mom and Dad said I had to be here. Ha."  
  
"Well, you live here, at home, with your parents, like a good little HIGH SCHOOL STUDENT so you can see them any old time, now, can't you?"  
  
"Actually, I asked Buffy to be here tonight." Maggie said in her youngest daughter's defense. She didn't know why she was, but what the hey.  
  
"Mom, can I talk to you for a minute? Alone?" Brianna asked pointedly. "Dad, why don't you take Angel into the living room. Alone. And Buffy, go find a friend."  
  
"I have friends. Unlike you did in high school."  
  
"Ooh, that hurts me right here," Brianna said, holding her hand over her heart. "I'm gonna go cry on my fiance's shoulder. But first I have to talk to Mom. And I'm sure Dad wants to.interrogate Angel or something, so just, stay out of our way, okay?" With that, Brianna grabbed her mom's arm and pulled her towards the kitchen.  
  
"She's soo annoying! And did you see the way she was checking out Angel?"  
  
"Honey, I'm a psychologist. Of course I saw it."  
  
"Then do something!"  
  
"No. This is amusing." At the look of shock on her daughter's face, she reassured her. "I'm joking. Don't worry, it doesn't happen very often."  
  
"I'm jumping with joy on the inside. What the hell am I supposed to do?"  
  
"Nothing. Nothing will happen, so you don't need to do anything. You see her once a month, tops. No worries."  
  
~  
  
"So, Connor, I think we should talk about safe sex," said Angel as he straightened Connor's bow tie.  
  
"Oh God. Mom already did this," Connor groaned.  
  
"No she didn't. Mom told you not to have sex before you're married."  
  
"So what are you gonna tell me?" Connor asked.  
  
"And remember Dawn, no sex before you're married," Spike said as he put on Dawn's necklace. "Spike, my sex life is none of your business."  
  
"You don't have a sex life and it's going to stay that way," Spike insisted.  
  
"Look, I know that you're going to have a sex life at some point, but Dawn is simply too young."  
  
"But everybody loses their virginity at prom! Even that guy in American Pie who went with the band geek. God, she was hot."  
  
"Well that's what you get for falling in love with a freshman."  
  
"I'm not in love with her."  
  
"Are too."  
  
"Am not."  
  
"Are too."  
  
"Am not. Wait.I think maybe I am."  
  
"Exhibit B," Angel chuckled. 


End file.
